Nest O' Fools HOA

Nest O’ Fools Home Owners Association                                                                                                                                                                                                               April 21, 2013          

Dear Mr. Quixote:

Nest O’ Fools is a tranquil coastal community located along the Atlantic Ocean. We recently funded a search for a spin-monger and every source has suggested you are choice-one. Your reputation for propriety comes well recommended. We trust you will treat the following communication in the strictest confidence.

As recently as last week, an elite homeowner association on the east coast was brought into the public focus because of homeowner efforts to keep their homes and grounds safe from the rising ocean. The backlash has been ugly, one-sided, and unfair–prompting measures to divert attention. We endeavor to avoid excess drama whenever possible so we seek your assistance against the tyranny of the masses.

By way of background, we plan to spend obscene amounts of money on sea wall revetments, boathouse reinforcement, gazebo strengthening, wine cellar support, and sport court defenses to secure the well-being of our loved ones. We believe we will then have the underpinning in place to escape the worst woes of anthropogenic forcing of the radiative balance. We do not have the skill set that facilitates accomplishing those tasks without garnering the attention of those less fortunate.

Specifically, recent events have brought to light certain deficiencies in our understanding of the planet, and consequently, plans to cope with the climate. The changing climate is going to define this century. An opportunity for us all, the scale of destruction from global warming will create millions of jobs. Storm surges from the rising oceans, the storms themselves, and the availability of resources for repair are all the buzz. Further, while it is not well known, our grounds and homes were damaged by recent storms–to one extent or another–though thankfully we have kept the events from the prying ears and eyes of news reporters. Media staff can be so gauche, making this project vital to our well-being. To mitigate interference, we are hoping that you will undertake a propaganda project for us.

We are aware you recently turned down the opportunity to work with shale oil and gas people due to concerns of conscience, but we assure you this project is only an effort to keep the public ignorant. Specifically, acting as lead Samurai, your task will be to protect us from the looters–as we engage expensive resources to protect ourselves from the changing climate. A second part of the project requires the defeat of activist activities if they uncover our objectives. Lastly, the neutering of any efforts that seeks to display our disregard for the well-being of our fellow citizens.

The reason we believe your services will support our objectives is your legendary ability to confuse the public on important issues. Your work to popularize the mythical debates on global warming, bird flu, so-called clean coal, and the tyranny of  the Kyoto Protocols are well-known. Your work on the Katrina disaster, focusing the public’s perception on FEMA and hospital missteps was brilliant.

Your project is well funded, supported by the major media outlets, encouraged by various celebrities, and logistically enhanced by a host of corporate partners. Exclusive homeowner associations across the country (on the coast, along the rivers, and other) have agreed to support the project’s goals. They support us in hopes of keeping the masses calm. As you know, there is a great deal of work to be done in preparation for the energized climate. Regardless, we do accept that sooner or later the population will understand they have been fed a crate of nonsense; however, keeping that quiet for at least the next five years is imperative to the completion of our tasks.

We look forward to speaking with you further on this project, though we do expect your cooperation on every level. This is no time for the challenge of conscience and we will tolerate no wavering on the quality of work, nor the effort: A well-tended campaign to divert attention from the efforts of high-net-worth individuals protecting their homes against the negatives of anthropogenic forcing of the radiative balance is the work of angles. An intelligent elite caste is essential to keeping our society intact, functioning for the good of all, and supportive of change. The money spent on the rebuild of infrastructure will develop an entirely new generation of gentry. Your family can be part of it–or they might be victims of the tragedy. The choice will be yours.

In summary, maintaining an information blockade so that the general public remains blind-sided by climate events will require new strategies and bold processes. A previous effort of shunting information and assaulting the truth while drawing attention to the pontifications of our shills falters in the face of devastation. Worse, the magnitude and frequency of the climate disasters are increasing just as the climatologists and environmentalists predicted two decades ago. Mitigating this obvious defect in policy will require dedication, drive, and the ability to convey the message that success means sacrifice–by others. You are the go-to person for powering a project that keeps the population dulled to the truth, while driving the masses into a corner.

Best,

Nest O’ Fools Home Owners Association

PS: Happy Earth Day!