Have We Got a Fairy Tale You!

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Grim Corporation

Interoffice  Memo

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“It’s Grim–Have We Got a Fairy Tale You!”

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Your outburst of uncontrollable clucking, followed by pecking at the corn-fiber carpet in our meeting today was unprofessional. Corporate policy requires all barnyard proceedings to take place outside departmental meetings. As well, corporate plans will change from time to time. Our corporate strategy now declares that the sky is not falling.

That said, CL, your group has had two-hundred years of predicting the sky will fall. Your one-minded message has generated substantial long-term growth and numerous bonus’ that by any measure were chicken feed–and it has put you into a rut. Even so, all the way up the tuffet, from the Spider to the Little Miss, we appreciate your hard work.

Still, your team will bear the brunt of the budget cutbacks, as well as Grim staffing reductions. So while I am not surprised at your recent email, some of your assertions confuse me. You wrote, “What reason could there be for censoring my group and confusing our message? Does management look askance at our efforts? The Chicken Little Team understands the falling sky. Therefore, it should remain in our charter rather than going over to the Boy Team. No one will forget “The Frog in Slowly Heating Water.” That infamous neo-fable was the brainchild of the Boy Team. Can we afford another debacle like that? Need I remind you that the entire green movement can be attributed to that poor pre-prince-frog and its predicament? Keep the winning team on this project. Or maybe we should let our audience decide? The Chicken Little Team is the go-to advisor in scary times. The Wolf is at the door…”

Since when is the Wolf in your charter?

Plus, your threat to go public will serve no good. At best, you will be labeled a character, at worst, a terrorist spreading anti-corporate rhetoric. This change in policy on the falling sky has no reflection on your team. The new Board formed by the takeover of the Grim conglomerate by Reaper Industries has initiated this change in direction. So why go against it? Or have you forgotten that corporate fairy tales are about increasing the productivity of our boys and girls, whether they are involved in manual labor (desk cleaners), ingestion search optimization (lunch table seating), or senior level information manipulation executives (eraser cleaners). Confusion keeps the boys and girls at their desks. To scare the boys and girls into thinking of their own survival over the survival of our corporation, risks the entire financial system. The world can change, but without our boys and girls noticing it. When they do notice, it should be too late and guess what they should be looking for? Right–more fairy tales–so who benefits by information? CL, the sky may be falling, so what? We must respect the market. Have you seen the Emperor’s new IPO?

But, as the Mice say, let’s deal with the cheese: Your messages are just too direct these days, CL. The Little Boy Team understands how to finesse fear through confusion, and by working with the Three Little Pig Team, convey the right structure to keep all the piggies safe–something that will dovetail nicely into your new assignment. Your team had a message and rode it for decades. Can your team now tell the boys and girls what they will next face? Of course not. None of us is Mother Goose.

“Grim Corporation is here to make money. We spread fairy tales, not disseminate information.” This is a direct quote from the late Mr. Dumpty, just before his recent omletticide. But, omletticide aside, CL, you do clarity and it is tough for you to recognize the benefits of perplexity: If we can keep the boys and girls arguing about the falling sky, we can limit their fears. Nothing is a fact if the kids are arguing it. Confusion is our friend on the falling sky issue. And don’t ask me again to explain the issue with the falling sky. I don’t know. I don’t want to know. I do know the Boy Who Cried Wolf Team is the go-to advisor for creating confusion about looming danger.

Lastly, I do not understand why you think Grim “looks askance” at your efforts. Your new assignment, the rewrite of “The Thief and His Master” is a winner. How tough can it be to sell the boys and girls a fable about the stock market being our go-to shield–a sturdy roof on strong walls (provided by the Little Pigs)–protecting us against the falling sky? Now there is a fairy tale with impact! It’ll be easy for an old pro like you to get the boys and girls to put that one away. You’ll soon be rolling in worms again and believe me, chicken feed will be worth a lot more than you think.

And don’t worry about the sky falling. We will diffuse any focus on the falling sky with the chic chaff my team is know for. Our plans also include introducing a wizard into the story line. The wizard will be the son of King Economy. We’ll call him Technology. He will have a charming female sidekick the kids will love called Geoengineering. She will battle the evil forces of Gaia as Gaia tries to cause the sky to fall. Then, before the turn of this century, our GDP will increase by an order of magnitude and we will all live happily ever after.

Don’t you love fairy tales?

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Bcc: Villagers, Farmers, Tinkers, and Tailors, Bats and Trolls, Musicians and Moles