Two decades ago, financial leaders committed harakiri when they impaled themselves on carbon economy rhetoric. Bleeding irrational logic the emperors of excess then assaulted science–making any sane transition to a sustainable economy almost impossible. As a result, the Black Swan strategy has hatched and the business community has garnered substantial losses due to climate events–even though many of the losses were predictable and addressable, while their remediation was potentially profitable and socially redeeming. Laughably, many in the investment community were peeved to have collided with a planetary reality–and with lemming-like ferocity–now seek out a push-back strategy.
Today, the economy, the paramour of tycoons, is deemed to have achieved dominion over the changing climate–as if reality were a cat-house and science a tart. Even as the changing climate with its cascading economic ramifications inspires an emerging market need, CYA. A set of financial instruments that assume shortsightedness, ineptitude, stupidity, and greed will ruin our society. In a phrase: Systemic global seppuku is our future.
Thankfully–in this fast moving pleasantry for dealing with the trans-generational prostitution of reality–we are treated to comic relief: The strategy for CYA is preposterously called Tail Risk. (I wish I’d made that up.)
But laden with the experience that propaganda can go just so far, flashy investment receptacles for the dead-end carbon-based financial system stir from under the lampposts. Economic streetwalkers promise new financial positions through the media in an effort to pad yet another cell of our financial lunatic asylum. Sharpening the knife-edge of fiscal absurdity–aiming for another eviscerating thrust at our global future–the latest economic doxy struts down Wall Street. Revealing a wanton self, claiming that an almost unlimited booty waits in disaster; the fantasy of revenues opens its maw. Lust and seduction moans in front of us, exposing twin globes, one of economic woes and one of opulent flows. Selectively spooning sensual figures at us, the lounging floozy, the hedge-fund-hooker, the balance-sheet-bimbo propositions us. Believe in, and invest in, worldwide systemic failure…Because it will make you money. I’m not kidding. See this link.
Who’d have thought that loathsomeness could so easy wither my efforts to milk our society’s absurdities by introducing so obscene and demoralizing an investment vehicle? I offer a satirical tip-of-the-hat as an effort to pimp the ride, making its intent clear, and the vehicle that much more appealing.
To wit: Our carbon-economy conjures a rosy-palmed future–what’s next?
“Seeking to grab the brass ring of financial leadership, and working from a tradition of useless and dangerous misconceptions, the Fiddler Group announces a new investment vehicle called the Nero Fund, managed by Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus VC. Said Nero of the new financial vehicle: “Decoupling equity markets, forex markets, and commodities markets from the long term environmental trend is suicide. But we recognize our financial system now trusts in superseding sanity, prudence, and rationality. The Fiddler Group will therefore introduce two new funds focused on insanity, imprudence, and madness. The first fund, the Nero Fund, will prostitute time by selling it. We will create the impression that Nero controls the opportunity to manufacture more time, by taking time from the planet at no cost to investors, then spending that time as if it were limitless. A temporal hedge is a fantasy; but, there is an obvious ongoing market need for this kind of economic erotica.”
Let’s check the Street and get its perspective on the Nero Fund: “This profaning of the truth has emerged from fear of the worst-case scenario–recognition by the public that we have no idea of what to do about anthropogenic forcing of the radiative balance. The Nero Fund also serves a Wall Street fetish: domination. It uses dingle balls and pink fur on a global financial vehicle to declare we cannot resolve our challenges because of nepotism, stupidity, and greed. Nero and company are reupholstering our future ride in a cheap slimy fabric claiming it is more than a financial market. It is a declaration that proclaims time is our bimbo and economic alternatives are a fable. This strategy has been hinted at for years in reference to climate change so the plan does have possibilities. After all, it is no more absurd than playing dice with an entire planet.
Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus VC also outlined the follow up fund called the Dodo Fund: A fund to hedge the extinction of various species, including humans. Says Nero, “We have recognized some potential glitches associated with our Dodo Fund, but recent reports that we are training cockroaches and rodents to be bankers and sales agents are premature. While we find a certain synergy between hedge fund managers and cockroaches, the training of non-biped vermin for marketing our Dodo Fund remains in the exploratory stage.”
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